Lies, lies, lies

Someone told me a lie today and doesn't have a clue that I know it was a lie. It was an interesting lie, it was entertaining, extremely creative, but a lie nonetheless. This person might consider it more deception than lie, but it's a non-truth, which equals a lie. And I see it for what it is, and it is telling me a lot about this person that I always suspected but now have confirmed.

With all of the scandal regarding NY's governor and his apparent "issues," I've been thinking about the lies we tell each other and the lies we tell ourselves.

There are big lies and little lies, if you buy that theory. Your best friend has a new boyfriend, and asks, "Isn't he cute?" What are you going to say if he reminds you of your neighbor's Basset Hound? Cute? Well.... You might choose to hedge and answer, "And I can really tell he likes you a lot!" Telling her that you think he is unattractive isn't going to serve anyone's interests, especially yours. You lie to protect her feelings, and there is little harm in it, because the truth in this case is really about perception, and the perception that matters is your friend's, because it's HER boyfriend you're talking about.

Then there are the times when the truth, while hard to spit out, really can serve well, but we choose to lie anyway. A friend asks, "Do you think I'm a bully?" You know she is, you have heard others say that she is, you know she's alienated a lot of people because of it, but can you come right out and say it? It is information that she might be able to use, and she did ask, but it's tough to say out loud. So you might hem and haw for a while before you smile, shake your head, and say, "Of COURSE you're not a bully. Everyone else is just too sensitive..." It's a lie, but it's gotten you out of a tough spot, for now. You've set yourself up in a precarious position with this lie, and it'll probably come back to haunt you.

But what about the lies you tell yourself? "Oh, it doesn't matter that I haven't had any vegetables today. I'm healthy." Or, "Drinking four glasses of wine a night won't hurt me. I'm young!" How about, "That dryer! My pants have shrunk again!" You say the things you want to hear and avoid the reality that cuts a little too close to the bone. You don't allow yourself to 'fess up and confront yourself head on. It's like a parent who is avoiding disciplining her rude teenager because she just doesn't feel up to another fight. She tells herself it'll work itself out, and goes on living in her fog of self-delusion.

Much of the time, the lies we tell each other and the lies we tell ourselves are just avoidance maneuvers, like changing lanes on the interstate to get around a slower car. Lying can buy us a little time and keep reality at bay, but eventually reality will rear its head, often when we're most vulnerable and least able to cope. And then the piper's pay date is NOW.

When we lie and get caught, like the governor just did, we're slapped in the face with not only our own judgements but the judgements of countless others who shouldn't even be a part of our struggles. Honesty is much harder than truth a lot of the time, but it's easier, cleaner, and doesn't leave much of a scar.

And that's the truth.