This week has been one of dispelling first impressions. I met someone recently, made a judgement based on previous experience with similar people, steeled myself for our next encounter, predicting how the person would behave and how I would respond and how I wouldn't let my emotions get the best of me, and what do you know, this person has turned out to be a lovely, if challenging human being! Who would'a thunk it?
But before I give myself too hard a time for pre-judging, I do believe that by thinking ahead and armoring myself with enough personal power to withstand whatever this individual threw at me (again, gleaning from past experience), I was more than ready for the situation. And in the first few moments of our second encounter, I could feel the testing, the feeling around for boundaries, and having established them firmly and with clear focus, I was able to set the tone. And how glad I am that I did.
We learn as we go. Just today I had a conversation with a young person who had gotten into a rather precarious situation last night, and as the young adult explained away what had happened, I said in response, "Well, at least you've learned something." We learn from our failures much more than from our successes, and in the case of this young person, lots of lessons were learned, with no one injured or arrested, which is always a nice thing...
I'm learning that while my first impressions may not be completely accurate in judgement of a person's future behavior, my instincts are always useful in dealing with new people. But what a pleasure when my negative first assessment of someone turns out to be far from the truth, and I'm surprised to discover the blossoming of a new friendship.
Happy weekend to all.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Trails
We were hit with a stomach bug this week, each of us in turn over the course of four days. It had been years since any of us had been that sick, and I don't think we've ever been that sick as a family. Even today, the third day, I've tried to stay as still as possible. That kind of stuff can really take it out of you, and sometimes the best medicine is rest.
Where did we get it?
You shake a hand, you give a hug, you pick up a pen to sign a credit slip, and POW, the germs have been transferred. And it's often impossible to trace. There is no clear line back to the first instigator of the germ trail, and I guess really, there couldn't be.
Of course, this is unlike life in other ways, where there is a very real trail of what we do and when we do it. Apply for a credit card? Background check ensues, and you'd better hope that the identity thief who nabbed your credit information a few years back didn't do any lasting damage. Churches are getting into the swing of things with background checks and Safe Church trainings, where anyone who works with children must be screened and go through a educational seminar. Such important work for churches to do, but there again sometimes lies a trail that could be slightly awry. One misplaced digit in your social security number, and POW, you're on some list somewhere. Same name as someone else? Uh oh, you'd better have a good explanation of where you were in 1987...
Even without the information our computers give us, (just a keystroke and there is a list of everyone who has visited your website over the last several months, time, date, length of visit, etc.) we do leave trails behind, don't we? We enter into a store, and our foul mood poisons the environment so that the person checking us out snaps at the next customer. Or hopefully, our smile and genuine "thank you" to the person serving us our lunch makes that person feel valued and perhaps tinges his/her day with a brighter cast.
Same in our families. We give our spouse a casual wave, and she leaves the house feeling sort of invisible. Or we look directly into his eyes, say "I am so glad I married you" and suddenly what could have been an ordinary day turns into an extraordinary one.
We leave trails of where we've been, both in tangible and intangible ways. Let us all be more cognizant of the trails we leave behind so that our paths leave happy memories, not dust and dreariness.
Where did we get it?
You shake a hand, you give a hug, you pick up a pen to sign a credit slip, and POW, the germs have been transferred. And it's often impossible to trace. There is no clear line back to the first instigator of the germ trail, and I guess really, there couldn't be.
Of course, this is unlike life in other ways, where there is a very real trail of what we do and when we do it. Apply for a credit card? Background check ensues, and you'd better hope that the identity thief who nabbed your credit information a few years back didn't do any lasting damage. Churches are getting into the swing of things with background checks and Safe Church trainings, where anyone who works with children must be screened and go through a educational seminar. Such important work for churches to do, but there again sometimes lies a trail that could be slightly awry. One misplaced digit in your social security number, and POW, you're on some list somewhere. Same name as someone else? Uh oh, you'd better have a good explanation of where you were in 1987...
Even without the information our computers give us, (just a keystroke and there is a list of everyone who has visited your website over the last several months, time, date, length of visit, etc.) we do leave trails behind, don't we? We enter into a store, and our foul mood poisons the environment so that the person checking us out snaps at the next customer. Or hopefully, our smile and genuine "thank you" to the person serving us our lunch makes that person feel valued and perhaps tinges his/her day with a brighter cast.
Same in our families. We give our spouse a casual wave, and she leaves the house feeling sort of invisible. Or we look directly into his eyes, say "I am so glad I married you" and suddenly what could have been an ordinary day turns into an extraordinary one.
We leave trails of where we've been, both in tangible and intangible ways. Let us all be more cognizant of the trails we leave behind so that our paths leave happy memories, not dust and dreariness.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
This and That
This past weekend a couple of my preconceived notions were put to the test. And while neither was dashed completely, there were moments when how I see the world shifted just a little. And this was good, because getting stuck in a rut is one of the most self-destructive things a body can do.
I also got to spend some time with one of my best girlfriends, someone not from here, someone I've known for 15 years. It was nice reconnecting with someone who knew me before I was a mother, before I did what I do for a living, before a lot of things. It's so important to maintain connections with people, and I don't always do a good job of that.
I think I'm through my sleep issues for now. Stress and worry did it, and no matter how I changed my daily routine, calm reading before bed, changing the time of vitamin ingestion, warm milk, etc., for a couple of weeks there I could not get a good night's sleep and was beginning to be frantic and teary about it. Last night I slept a full eight hours! Go figure! It was terrific.
And that is all.
I also got to spend some time with one of my best girlfriends, someone not from here, someone I've known for 15 years. It was nice reconnecting with someone who knew me before I was a mother, before I did what I do for a living, before a lot of things. It's so important to maintain connections with people, and I don't always do a good job of that.
I think I'm through my sleep issues for now. Stress and worry did it, and no matter how I changed my daily routine, calm reading before bed, changing the time of vitamin ingestion, warm milk, etc., for a couple of weeks there I could not get a good night's sleep and was beginning to be frantic and teary about it. Last night I slept a full eight hours! Go figure! It was terrific.
And that is all.
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